An open letter to the insecure girls who diss’ed me

Dear haters,

I don’t use that term very often, because I’m not so conceited that I believe you sit around talking shit about me all the time, but damn the word hater just fits you perfectly. This is not letter to demean you. In fact, I am writing to forgive you for the way you treated me and tell you that I know you’re better than the words you called me.

This letter is specifically to the girls who couldn’t understand me, and were too insecure in themselves to accept my differences and so you decided I wasn’t “cool” enough, wasn’t “talkative” enough, wasn’t “fun” enough to be friends with. You decided I wasn’t good enough without even getting to know me. And this hurt me for a long time. And I let you define who I was. I thought to myself, “well fine if they think I’m X then I’ll show them what X really looks like.” I even sometimes became the exact person I was mad at you for accusing me of being.

I regret that. I let you have control over me for too long. But not anymore. I am comfortable enough in my own skin that I don’t need your approval to be happy.  And I know that you missed out on having the best friend you could ever have. I am good enough. I am fun, talkative, and very freaking cool.

I was so mad at you for pushing me out of your circles for the longest time. I was mad at you for not taking the time to get to know me. But mostly I was mad at myself for not being able to open up quickly enough so that you could see the real me. And then I learned something. I have the right to move at my own pace in every relationship and if you’re uncomfortable with that, that is not my problem. Because I am perfect just the way I am. I am perfect even when I don’t socialize a lot. I am perfect when I get shy. I am perfect when I have different interests from you. I am perfect when I am awkward, and quiet, and slow to open up. I am me and that is enough.

Why did you diss me so quickly? I wish you could answer this question for me, because I’m genuinely curious what your real thoughts of our interaction was. I know that the words you called me where out of ignorance and insecurity. I know you didn’t mean to call me conceited, or weird, or ugly, or manly, or stupid, or all those other words that really had no backing. So why did you use them? Why did you label me to all your friends when you barely knew me? In fact I would say you didn’t know me at all.

I think I can offer some insight into this question of mine. My experience has been that I am not a trusting person, I am slow to open up, and I am slow to connect. I am cautious. I’ve had a few friendships hurt me and I was scared of that happening again. So I pulled back, hoping you wouldn’t see my insecurities and exploit them. I hoped that I could blend in by not talking much. I feared if I let you in, I would get hurt again. So I take responsibility for that portion of our problem. But my shyness doesn’t make me conceited. It doesn’t make me an asshole because I don’t want to share my whole life with you in the first 10 minutes of knowing you. It doesn’t make me weird to not want to party all the time. It doesn’t make me a bad person to have a boyfriend that I love spending time with. It doesn’t make me an alien because I like to workout and talk about guns and spend my nights reading books or going on car rides to unknown destinations to find something new I never knew existed.

I don’t think I’m better than any other human being on this planet just because I’m slow to open up. I’m not judging you, I’m judging me. Your insecurities made you uncomfortable around me because I like who I am and I’m not shy about that. I will never apologize for loving myself. I will never apologize  for being cautious around my peers for fear of being hurt.

I hope reading this shows you how you missed out on a bomb ass friend.  I hope you regret the words you called me. I hope you regret convincing your posse that I was a bad person and not worthy of your friendship. I hope you’ve grown since we last spoke. I hope you are comfortable enough in yourself that you can accept other people’s differences. I hope you never have to miss out on another person like me in your life because you are afraid of what they’re all about.

I am the kindest, most honest friend you could have ever had, and I would drop everything to be there for my friends when they need it. I am a great listener and I know how to have a great time. I love to laugh and I have a passion for adventure and life. And will not let mean girls like you define me or hurt my spirit ever again.

I finally love myself, and I thank you for having taken me on this journey to figure out what that means. I am proud of myself for not budging my values to fit in with your idea of who I should have been. And I only have well-wishes for you as you move through life.

You are better than a mean girl. You are more than mean words and judgement. You are more than a hater. So don’t let my words define you. Be yourself and be happy with that.

All my love,

the misunderstood girl you hated on



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